Missing from the Home Front

Families share ways to stay connected with U.S. troops in the Middle East
By T.J. Banes
tj.banes@indystar.com
October 26, 2006

The yellow car magnets saying “Support Our Troops” are nice.

So are the little flag pins worn by TV anchors.

But Eastside resident Nancy Goodin, 62, depends on prayer while her son Robert is serving his second tour of duty in Iraq.

“He’s the middle of eight children and the only one to join the service,” Goodin said. “It’s been hard, because we’re all very close. When we’re together, we know he’s missing. Having faith that everything would be OK and believing in the power of positive thinking keeps me going.”

Families of soldiers stationed in the Middle East cope in different ways. Those left behind say they are most content when they are doing something for their loved ones.

That’s what spurred Indianapolis resident Sandy Doell to write “Mom’s Field Guide — What You Need to Know to Make It Through Your Loved One’s Military Deployment” (Warrior Angel Press, $19.95 paperback, $14.95 ebook download). The book is available online at www.momsfieldguide.com.

“You can either bury your head in the sand or you can become involved,” said Doell, 60.

Her son, David Boshears, 35, enlisted in the Army shortly after Sept. 11, 2001. She spent the next 12 months researching ways to support her son and other soldiers.

She consulted a large map of Iraq and learned the geography so that when she heard news reports, she would know exactly where the event occurred. She found different news-gathering agencies around the world and Web sites that offer information about Middle Eastern culture.

Doell became familiar with soldiers’ most needed items and how to send care packages. She put all of this information into her book, which also includes recipes, useful tips (such as normal shipping time to the Middle East) and serious concerns (how loved ones are notified of casualties).

Gifts and letters are the best way to help soldiers stay in touch back home and to boost morale, Doell said. Sending mail also gives loved ones at home a purpose.

Goodin recently loaded up a care package to ship to her son. It included snacks (summer sausage, crackers, chocolate-chip cookies) and a hand-held sweeper to help clear sand from his living quarters.

Family members show ongoing support by flying the U.S. flag and calling Robert — when they can — with encouraging words.

Anything families do to stay connected is appreciated, said soldier John Bossingham, 27.

He enjoyed the family photographs, magazines and newspapers sent to him by his family in Morristown. For his wife, Amy, also in the military, it was mandolin “duets” that kept her family closer to her.

Two years ago, Amy and John spent Thanksgiving dining on pressed turkey and all the trimmings at a table in a steamy airport hangar in eastern Iraq.

“They made it as nice as possible for us, but it still wasn’t home,” said Amy, 29.

“What I missed the most was time with family and a home-cooked meal,” said John.

Their family members missed them, too.

Back home, John’s mother set two places at her table with pictures of her son and his wife. The family talked about their absent loved ones and how they might be spending the holiday.

Amy and John had been married two years when they were deployed. Though they were in different battalions, they were able to come together for Thanksgiving. It helped a little, but it wasn’t the same as being home, said Amy.

John’s mom, Carol Bossingham, spent the holidays organizing family members for Web cam appearances sent to Iraq.

She also planned ahead for the holidays.
“Almost before they deployed, I had Christmas presents bought, wrapped and shipped so they’d be there on time,” she said.

Amy’s family saved up all the holidays to celebrate in one long weekend when she returned. In the meantime, though, the packages her family sent helped her cope.

“My dad played guitar, and would send me tape recordings. I’d put on my headset, play my mandolin, and we’d jam together, and then I’d make a tape and send back home,” said Amy. “I wasn’t home with my family, and they weren’t with me, but it was the next best thing.

Tips for supporting your loved one during deployment

• Letters from home are the item most requested by soldiers, so write often.
• Allow plenty of time for packages to arrive for holidays. Normal shipping time to the Middle East is about two weeks for a priority box.
• Military food has come a long way since the C-rations of World War II, but tuna, salsa and cheese are popular mealtime supplements.
• Soldiers need entertainment, too. Books, crosswords, Frisbees and board games break the boredom.
• Family members should invest in a detailed map of the Middle East. When you hear news reports, you’ll be able to identify the exact location of activity.
• Keep a list of discussion topics near the phone. When your loved one calls at 4 a.m., you won’t waste time collecting your thoughts.
• You can live on “Iraqi time” with the click of a computer mouse.
• The Red Cross will help you make arrangements for your soldier to come home for certain emergencies, such as a death in the family.
• If you can’t find a support group, start one.

Source: “Mom’s Field Guide,” by Sandy Doell

Reprinted by permission from IndyStar.com

Technorati Tags: families left behind, Iraq, Middle East, Military Deployment, Support the Troops, tour of duty Iraq, U.S. troops

Military Deployment - Families Left Behind

You are beside yourself with worry. Your beautiful child has just climbed on board a C-130 transport plane with about 200 other innocents just like him, and you, along with all the other parents, are walking back to your cars, through a terminal or across an airfield, tissues pressed to your noses, everyone unashamedly tearful. Or you’re standing on a Navy pier waving and crying as his ship pulls out and you fear for his future.

You are more aware than at any other leavetaking that this could be the last time you see your son or daughter alive.

How can you help your child through this ordeal? How will you yourself survive it? Where will you turn for help? The answer is standing beside you, also waving and crying. There is strength in numbers, and you are about to need all the strength you can get. Introduce yourself and get to know your peers. You’ll all need each other in the months to come.

Perhaps you didn’t get to attend your child’s leave taking ceremony. Perhaps you, like me, were 2,000 miles away. Perhaps your good-byes were said at home a few weeks earlier. You can still find ways to contact the families of other troops deployed with your loved one. Make the effort to reach out to them. You’ll be grateful for their friendship in the coming months.

Aside from the all-important question of how your child is going to survive this deployment—literally and figuratively—another issue needs to be addressed: How will you survive it? This may be the greatest ordeal of your life, and you’re going to need some help.

You need information. You need support from the families of other deployed soldiers—those who have been through it before, and those who are going through it with you right now.

There are things you can actually do that will make this year go by relatively quickly and with less stress for you. Working on projects, individually and as a group, writing letters, setting up stations in your home that will make mailing packages easier, making sure your phone/communications system is set up so that you don’t miss any phone calls or e-mails, recruiting your friends and co-workers to help provide needed supplies for your soldier and his buddies, and more . . . things that I will explain in detail how to do that will help you make it through this “year of fear.”

I survived it and so can you. When it’s over, you’ll be stronger for having lived through it. You will know what needs doing, and you’ll do it. In the Army, a mission is a task you’ve been assigned to complete. Your child has a mission and so do you. That mission is the thing that will save your sanity and keep you going.

For this reason, I’ve written Mom’s Field Guide: What You Need to Know to Make it Through Your Loved One’s Military Deployment. Here you will learn all about how to complete your mission safely and with pride.

–Sandy Doell

Technorati Tags: deployed soldiers, Military Deployment